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After ‘Last Duel,’ ban Matt Damon and Ben Affleck from writing movies

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It’s been 24 years since Matt Damon and Ben Affleck final collaborated on a film script. 

Let’s make it 100 subsequent time!

The unbearable new movie from the “Good Will Hunting” duo, “The Last Duel,” doesn’t make a powerful argument for them as a few of our biggest scribes. It does, nevertheless, torment viewers with nails-on-the-chalkboard writing and the tempo of the World’s Slowest Snail. 

Or escargot, I suppose, because the film is about in medieval France. Damon performs a knight named Jean and Affleck is a robust Count who appears to be like like Will Ferrell’s Mugatu character from “Zoolander.” 

After Jean will get in a tiff over land with a noble referred to as Le Gris (Adam Driver), the piggish Count sides with Le Gris and quickly begins to favor his firm to the knight’s. 

Up so far, the film is mainly a turgid, dude-heavy model of Yorgos Lanthimos’ good “The Favourite,” however with none of its humor, panache or, ya know, good appearing.

You’ll want a flashlight to make it via. It’s not technically shot in black and white, however director Ridley Scott comes awfully near grayscale.

In “The Last Duel,” Ben Affleck tries blond hair on for dimension a la Mugatu from “Zoolander.”
©twentieth Century Studios/Courtesy

Things flip even darker when the fierce new spouse of Jean, Marguerite (Jodie Comer), is raped by Le Gris in her own residence, and her husband is compelled to defend her and his honor in a duel to show her innocence. 

Critics will give this dud a cross due to the relevancy of the abuse plot. Don’t consider them. Degreasing a range is a extra pleasant option to spend your Saturday evening.

Hoping the appearing prowess of Damon and Affleck may save their shoddy textual content? Désolé, mon frères. The voices, made posh as a result of France, are much less animated than many satellite tv for pc navigation methods. Although separated by centuries, Damon is identical monotonous meathead that he was in “Stillwater,” and Affleck, whose bleach-blond hair is likely to be the results of a freak shampoo accident, is essentially the most ambivalent fop to ever grace a display.

For his half, Driver is actually testing the bounds of how typically he can ship the very same efficiency from “Girls.” It’s a scrumptious signature dish, to make sure, however he can’t coast on it perpetually.

The redeeming issue right here is Comer — trapped, victimized and blamed — who transposes her “Killing Eve” edge completely to much less horny 1300s Europe. Too dangerous her dramatic complication comes so late and after so many yawns.

Next order of enterprise: Take away all writing utensils from Damon and Affleck’s houses. Leave no laptop computer, typewriter, pen, pencil, quill or telegraph behind. Batman and Jason Bourne should be stopped.

Adam Driver and Matt Damon play rival Frenchmen in "The Last Duel."
Adam Driver (left) and Matt Damon play rival Frenchmen in “The Last Duel.”
©twentieth Century Studios/Courtesy Everett Collection

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